Brother, How can I teach a person a lesson who claims to follow Christ, but they are judgmental, always trying to cause strife, and very nosey?
Dear friend,
It is disheartening when someone claims to follow Christ but does not seem to embody the very principles He taught. As a disciple of Jesus Christ, I believe that the most effective way to teach is not always through direct confrontation or by “giving a lesson,” but rather through example, patience, and a reliance on the Spirit.
First and foremost, consider how you can model the attributes of Christ yourself. The Bible and the Book of Mormon consistently teach us to be meek, humble, and full of charity. For instance, in Moroni 7:45 we read: “And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things.” When faced with judgmental or strife-inducing behaviour, responding with kindness, patience, and a lack of defensiveness can sometimes be more impactful than any words. It is not about being a doormat, but about demonstrating a higher way.
There may be times when a gentle, private conversation is appropriate, particularly if their actions are directly affecting you or others in a negative way. When you do speak, focus on their behaviour and its impact, rather than labelling them as a “judgmental person.” You might say something like, “When you speak about others in that way, it makes me feel uncomfortable,” or “I’ve noticed a lot of tension when those kinds of comments are made, and I find it difficult to feel the Spirit.” This approach is less accusatory and more likely to be received, though there are no guarantees.
Regarding the “nosey” aspect, you can set healthy boundaries. You do not have to answer every probing question. You can politely change the subject or simply state that you prefer not to discuss certain topics.
Ultimately, you cannot force someone to change or “teach them a lesson” if they are not receptive. Your primary focus should be on your own spiritual well-being and how you respond to such situations. The Scriptures teach us the importance of forgiveness and praying for those who spitefully use you (3 Nephi 12:44). This is not about condoning their behaviour, but about freeing yourself from any bitterness or resentment that might take root.
As disciples of Jesus, we believe in personal revelation. Pray for guidance on how to best navigate this relationship. Ask the Lord to show you if there is something you need to learn from the situation or how you can be an instrument for good, even in a difficult circumstance. The Spirit can often prompt us with specific words or actions that are far more effective than anything we might contrive on our own.
